Leo Quotes
by DeanFan
Summary: Quotes from the show with our favorite stoner.


**Disclaimer: Don't own That 70's Show**

**Author's Note: I noticed that there aren't that many stories with Leo in them so this is a little tribute to him. Lines from the show. Enjoy!**

_Leo_: So things went well with my probation officer. He even wants to see me for some additional years. He's a great guy, man.

[_Leo hires Fez_]  
_Leo_: Alright, you're hired. But you're on probation. No wait, I'm on probation. I've gotta go see my probation officer, man.

[_about Fez_]  
_Leo_: I don't like what's going on here, man. That little dude's making us all look bad. I'm afraid the boss is gonna fire me.  
_Steven Hyde_: Leo, you are the boss.

[_Fez needs money to buy new shoes_]  
_Leo_: Just do what I do and steal money from the register when the boss ain't looking.  
_Steven Hyde_: Again, Leo, you are the boss.  
_Leo_: And I'm not looking.  
[_Hyde takes some money from the register and gives it to Fez_]

_Bryan_: [_after the RCMP officers discover Fez has his Green Card_] Now, leave Canada please!  
_Leo_: YOU leave Canada please!

_Eric_: Okay, guys. Road trip checklist. Car: Check. Okay. We're good.  
_Fez_: Is there anything about Canada we need to know before we get there?  
_Steven Hyde_: Well, the beer is stronger, and as a result, their women look prettier.  
_Fez_: Then let's haul ass to Canada!  
_Eric_: Okay. Shh. Fez. If my dad finds out that we're going to Canada uh, for beer, no less, he's gonna start killing people, okay? People like us. So keep it down.  
_Michael Kelso_: [_Runs up to the guys_] All right! Canada! Whoo-hoo! Beer!  
[_blows his horn_]  
_Eric_: Kelso, you're not going.  
_Michael Kelso_: What? Why not?  
_Steven Hyde_: Because this is a risky mission and you tend to screw these things up.  
_Michael Kelso_: That is a damnable lie!  
_Eric_: Okay. Kelso, remember that time we were gonna put a flaming bag of dog poop in front of Principal Pridwell's door, and you lit it in the car on the way over?  
_Michael Kelso_: Yeah, I wanted to see it all flamey.  
_Eric_: And then you panicked and stepped on it.  
_Michael Kelso_: Eric, it was on fire!  
_Eric_: Okay, You're not going.  
_Michael Kelso_: No, no, no. Fine. I won't use the air horn, and I'll pay for the gas and the beer  
_Eric_: I can't stay mad at you... Come on, you big lug.  
_Leo_: [_already sitting in the backseat of the car_] Hey, dudes.  
_Steven Hyde_: Leo, man, what are you doin' here?  
_Leo_: Sittin'. What are you doin' here?  
_Steven Hyde_: We're goin' to Canada to buy beer.  
_Leo_: Canada? Cool, man. I spent some time up there during 'Nam.  
_Eric_: Oh, conscientious objector, huh?  
_Leo_: No. I didn't mind. Hey, a road trip sounds good, man, but I don't want nothin' to do with that beer. That stuff will mess with your mind, man.

_Chris_: What are you doing in Canada?  
_Leo_: What are *you* doing in Canada?

_Leo_: You know why they call it beer?  
_Eric_: No, why?  
_Leo_: I'm just curious, man.

_Leo_: Wow, business really picked up with those "Buy one get one free coupons."  
_Steven Hyde_: Yeah, because you forgot the "buy one" part.

_Leo_: I can't drive since my license got suspended.  
_Steven Hyde_: What'd you do, man?  
_Leo_: I dropped it in a glass of water and it just hung there... suspended. And while I was looking at it I ran a red light.

_Leo_: Ok, guys. I don't have any beer. I hate alcohol, and I won't have it in my house. So, we're gonna have to drink sake instead.

[_Leo is giving Eric a tattoo on his butt_]  
_Leo_: Dude, Debbie is gonna be real happy about this.  
_Eric Forman_: Who's Debbie?  
_Leo_: Hello? Your girlfriend, Debbie? Jesus...  
_Eric Forman_: Leo, her name is Donna.  
_Leo_: Oh, I can fix that.

_Leo_: [_Hyde re-joined the circle_] Hyde man, it's good to have you back. It's like they always say, "Hey Leo, how's it going?"

_Steven Hyde_: So, what do I do here anyway?  
_Leo_: Well, I don't expect a lot, man. Like, pretty much, if the hut doesn't burn down, it's been a good day. And even if it burnt down, man, it's cool, 'cause I got three or four more of these little huts somewhere.

[_about redoing the basement_]  
_Leo_: Okay, we're all done.  
_Kitty Forman_: But you've only been here a day.  
_Leo_: You know what they say, Rome was built in a day.  
_Reginald "Red" Forman_: No... Rome wasn't built in a day.  
_Leo_: Oh... Your basement was built in a day.

_Leo_: I saw a UFO once, man. It was awesome. It just hung in the air, then it sent me a message. Big bright yellow letters saying I was going to have a good year.  
_Steven Hyde_: Did this, by any chance, happen at a football game?  
_Leo_: Yeah, man! And the weird thing is, I was the only one freaking out about it, man. Wait a second, good year, no, it was a terrible year, man. Stupid aliens.

[_to Bud_]  
_Leo_: Hey, nice shoes, man... Are those mine?

**Leo**: Beer is evil. You know why they call it beer?  
**Eric**: No. Why?  
**Leo**: I'm just curious man.

**Leo**: [_to Kitty in church_] I love it here. You can sing as loud as you want. That dude wails away on the organ. That dude up there tells stories. It's almost a religious experience!

**Leo**: Hey man, you missed your shift at the Photo Hut. You better have a damn good excuse.  
**Steven Hyde**: I got busted.  
**Leo**: Damn. That's a good excuse.

**Leo**: Ok, guys. I don't have any beer. I hate alcohol, and I won't have it in my house. So, we're gonna have to drink sake instead.

**Eric**: Leo, you sell promise rings?  
**Leo**: Yeah, man. I sell rings and... other stuff.  
**Eric**: Ohh... We'll take two promise rings, and a misdemeanor's worth of the other stuff

**Leo**: Hi, Red. Would you give these to Kitty, please?  
[_hands Red flowers_]  
**Leo**: Oh, and tell her I love her. Thanks.  
[_leaves_]  
**Red Forman**: Oh, Kitty. These are for you. Looks like you got a date with a stoner.  
[_Red and Kitty laugh_]  
**Kitty Forman**: [_takes flowers and reads attached note_] "Roses are red, violets are blue. Milk, eggs, coffee."

**Red Forman**: Kitty, I think we should rethink our 'Don't throw Leo out on his ass policy.'  
**Kitty Forman**: No, no. Leo stuck around because he cares about Steven.  
**Leo**: ...and plus I can't find my shoes, man.

_At Bob's and Midge's wedding_]  
**Steven Hyde**: So did you bring everything?  
**Leo**: Yeah, I got everything... except the camera... and the film... yeah, I didn't bring anything.  
**Steven Hyde**: Leo man, you work at a film center.  
**Leo**: Yeah, go figure.

**Leo**: [_Leo and Hyde playing Battleships_] B3!  
**Steven Hyde**: Hit! Damn, you sank my battleship!  
**Leo**: You know a well-maintained fleet is the backbone of any military structure, and with your floating arsenal depleted, your troops are likely to suffer some serious collateral damage.  
**Steven Hyde**: [_confused_] Huh...  
**Leo**: Hey, you know what, man? I think I might have been in the Navy!

**Leo**: You know, you guys can hassle your skinny friend Eric, but when it comes down to a fundamental moral core he's the only one of you that's got one. So congratulations, you've ruined Christmas.

**Leo**: I met God one time on a bus. He told me the meaning of life and gave me a pretzel.  
**Steven Hyde**: So, what's the meaning of life?  
**Leo**: ...I don't remember... but it was a pretty good pretzel.

**Steven Hyde**: What is she doing here?  
**Leo**: I think she's hitting on me, man.  
**Jackie Burkhardt**: What are you talking about?  
**Leo**: What are you talking about?  
**Jackie Burkhardt**: What are you talking about?  
**Leo**: What are *you* talking about?  
**Steven Hyde**: Whatever.  
[_leaves_]  
**Jackie Burkhardt**: Oh, great. Steven!  
[_runs after Hyde_]  
**Leo**: What was she talking about?


End file.
